Red Flags of Abusive Relationships
- Wants to be with you constantly
- Accuses you of cheating all the time
- Follows you around or frequently calls during the day
- Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you
- Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time
- Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions
- Becomes extremely angry when late
- Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said, and where you went
- Makes you ask permission to do certain things
- 6 months or less before living together/engaged
- Claims of love at first sight
- Says you are the only one who can make her/him feel this way
- Pressure for commitment
- Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman
- Very dependent for all needs
- Expects you to be perfect
- Says things like, “I am all you need,” and “You are all I need.”
- Tries to cut off all your resources
- Puts down everyone you know
- Friends are either stupid, slutty, or you are cheating with them
- Family is too controlling, don’t really love you, or you are too dependent on them
- Refuse to let you use car or talk on the phone
- Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work
Blames Others for Problems
- If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else’s fault
- You’re at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship
Blames Others for Feelings
- Makes you responsible for how they feel:
- “You made me mad.”
- “You’re hurting me by not doing what I ask.”
- “I can’t help being angry.”
- “You make me happy.”
- “You control how I feel.”
Disrespectful or Cruel to Others
- Punishes children/animals cruelly
- Insensitive to pain and suffering
- High expectations of children beyond their abilities
- Tease children or younger sibling until they cry
- Doesn’t treat other people with respect
Playful Use of Force During Sex
- Little concern over whether you want to have sex or not
- Uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance
- Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you
Rigid Sex Roles
- Believes women are inferior to men
- Unable to be a whole person without a relationship
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
- Sudden mood changes – like s/he has two different personalities
- One minute nice, the next minute exploding
- One minute happy, the next minute sad
- You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with
- The person may deny it, claiming their ex is crazy or it wasn’t that bad
Breaking or Striking Objects
- Used as punishment
- Breaks cherished posessions
- May beat on tables with fists
- Throws objects at, around, or near you
Any Force During an Argument
- Physically restrains you from leaving the room
- Pushes or shoves you
- Easily insulted
- Sees everything as personal attacks
- Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them
- Totally goes off about small irritations
- Looks for fights
- Blows things out of proportion
Questions to Ask
- Are you in a relationship in which you have been physically hurt or threatened by your partner?
- Are you in a relationship in which you felt you were treated badly? In what ways?
- Has your partner ever destroyed things that you care about?
- Has your partner ever threatened or abused your children?
- Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to?
- What happens when you and your partner disagree?
- Do you ever feel afraid of your partner?
- Has your partner ever prevented you from leaving the house, seeing friends, getting a job or continuing your education?
- If your partner uses drugs/alcohol, how does s/he act? Is s/he ever verbally or physically abusive?
- Do you have guns in your home? Has your partner ever threatened to use them when s/he was angry?